There are 3 periods involved in surviving and rebuilding after the loss of a spouse.
Bridging the Past
During this phase, the widow or widower will begin to accept the death of his or her spouse and loosen the ties to the deceased spouse. Shared experiences become memories and the surviving spouse learns to use the word “we” instead of “I”.
Living in the Present
A shift in family structure needs to be made. Roles will change in order to take care of the daily, routine tasks. This will affect everyone.
If children are involved, they need the support and security from the surviving parent. It’s important to note that an individual cannot function as both mother and father without wearing himself or herself out. Instead of trying to fulfill both roles, it is best to focus on being a better parent.
One area to take note of is housing. Although there may be a panic about financial burdens or pain from the memories shared in the home, it is best to wait to make a decisions to sell or move. Good decisions are not usually made during this time because emotions are intense. This applies to all significant decisions.
Finding a New Path into the Future
Life stabilizes during this period and the surviving spouse develops new roles and functions independently. He is or she is able to reorganize life without the deceased spouse.
New relationships may be sought and developed. The purpose is not to replace the original spouse but to have comfort and companionship, to refocus life, or even to find a new parent for his or her children.
